Breaking up is hard to do. No matter how long the relationship, or who dumped who, it can be tough. But you mend that broken heart, pull yourself back together and move on. You achieve great things and laugh at how down-and-out you were. That was "sooo yesterday".
So why then, can bumping into an ex be so damn unnerving? You exchange pleasantries and maybe give each other an update. What now? Do you say, "Gee, it was great seeing you. Have a nice life." That would certainly make things simple. Instead, they write down their phone number. Hello, complicated.
This happened recently to a friend of mine. After seven years, the thought of bumping into her ex made her feel a little uneasy. But when it happened, she handled it pretty well. That is until he gave her his phone number.
He could have let the moment pass and waited until destiny had them run into each other again. Instead, he opened up a door. A door my friend really didn't feel comfortable with.
He had asked her so many questions but she didn't get any info about him. It was driving her nuts. She just had to know.
She figured the phone number was an invitation to keep in touch. So she sent him a text message. He responded immediately, telling her to give him a call so they could catch up. She did. But she had to leave him a voice message and he didn't return her call.
For two weeks she turned it over and over in her head. She decided no call had to mean she freaked him out. But he was the one who gave her his number. Now she just wanted to close the door. So she texted him once more.
She apologized for seemingly "spooking" him and told him to "take care". In other words, "you're a loser for getting freaked out over nothing. Have a nice life". He responded within four minutes, explaining he'd been working nights and only just got back from a trip out of town. "I'll call you and we'll hook up," he said. But he hasn't.
She tried to close that damn door. But he kicked it wide open again. Maybe he doesn't even realize that now, so is she.
Did he get freaked out and is now making exscuses for not calling? Or is he truly busy and just hasn't gotten around to it. After all, he doesn't owe her anything. But you'd think that by opening that door, he meant to walk through it. Instead, all my friend is getting is an uncomfortable draft. And a developing resentment that will hopefully allow her to move on once again.
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About Me
- amy whittingham
- ... is an aspiring writer. Passionate, highly-opiniated and a fashionista (if she could afford it). Amy enjoys salsa dancing, making her new apartment just right and of course writing.
4 comments:
Amy love your article! Some guys are such !@#$& and your friends ex is definately one of them (hense being an ex!). Tell your friend that this should be an omen as to why she isn't with this guy and to consider the open door "closure" assuming she pushed him out of the door in the first place, so long ago!
So many doors, damn! Is this guy currently in a relatiosnship? I'll bet he is. In fact, based on that assumption he doesn't even think twice about his lack of a call. He probably thought in passing it might be novel to catch up, but I really don't think your friend is important to him in the grand scheme of things. She's an ex, and unless there is desperation on the part of the guy to try and exploit an old relationship for sex, there probably isn't any sense of urgency to catch up. I think single people lament and analyze these situations a lot more than people in relationships (I know I certainly used to), which is not to say single people are desperate, but their minds are in that space of considering the possible motives behind every interaction with the opposite sex.
Or I could be completely misreading the situation and the guy is just a jerk.
Amy!
Yay! So glad you started up the Portions of Foxes again!
Is this maybe one of those things that illustrates social differences between men and women, and some men's oblivion to the social nuances of each?
ie. Men can go for weeks without phoning/e-mailing/whatever-ing each other, so they think it's okay to do that to anyone?
'Cause from the sounds of it, your friend's ex is DEFINITELY not getting it, and if I were your friend, I'd definitely think it's not cool to breeze in and out like that.
I'm not saying he should check in with her everytime he's gotta go off on business ... but still. You give someone your phone number, they're going to call.
Exactly! We need more material to debate on this page! Next article please!
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