Tuesday, April 29, 2008

This Lonely City

I often find Toronto to be a lonely city. Sure, there are lots of people out and about. I can't even begin to count how many I pass on the street in one day. But how many of them do we actually connect with?

I've had lovely moments of connection with random people. A quick chat about the weather, an exchange of warm smiles with a random stranger for no apparent reason, helping someone find their way. The feeling of joy and content it brings is astonishing. But those connections are few and far between. When you're a soul among others who are all marching alone, those can be some of the lonliest times of all.

Researchers have found that some of the happiest cities in Canada are on the East Coast. That's because they're some of the friendliest. Neighbours know each other. There's a good chance when someone goes out to run errands, or simply for a walk, they'll run into someone they know. And that makes people happy.

My boyfriend and I moved to a new community a few months ago. There are lots of families, and a park nearby. I was so excited to be part of a neighbourhood. I was certain we'd soon connect with people who live near us. We have become friendly with the neighbours right next door, and the ones that lived above us, but most of the neighbours barely even look up when we come in or out of the house.

I've tried to smile at people on the street. People with dogs seem to be more receptive. They tend to smile back. Men definately don't even make eye contact. I think I know why. There have been two men that have connected with me. And both of them were creepy. One guy called out to me as I passed with a smile, "I like the way you walk" in that 'ugh' kind of way. Maybe normal, nice guys keep to themselves so they don't freak women out.

I've always felt like a small town kinda girl, even though I grew up in the suburbs. I crave connection. Don't get me wrong, I love Toronto. And there are some great people that live here. Maybe I need to put myself out more; take a chance on saying hello. But it can be scary.

I've been trying to make eye contact with the people that pass, and what I've noticed, is fear. Let's face it - there are a lot of people we definately don't want to connect with. I feel safer when I keep to myself. But that fear is overiding the simples pleasures in a day. That guy that looks a thug, or that woman that seems crazy, could actually be wonderful, amazing people.

Next time you're out, and your in a relatively open, bright, safe place, try looking people in the eye. It could open up a whole new kinda day. Maybe you and I will connect. And then we won't feel so lonely.

1 comment:

About James said...

I love your blog! This is what happens when you start reading the news on national radio. A friend of mine heard you on Radio 2 this morning and had to let me know because you and I share the same, relatively-rare, last name.

I have a private blog now for a handful of friends to read (after a close friend was fired from a political position with the prov. government a few years ago.)

Cheers to you, fellow Whittingham, from a failed comedy actor/writer in Regina.